A student voiced frustrations about not knowing what they wanted to do, as they hated their major but didn’t want to disappoint their family. A feeling I share, to some extent… At 35 I’m grappling with the age-old question, “What do I want to do with my life?”, just like my student. Teaching is an incredible experience, one that I cherish a good deal, but, as mentioned in a previous entry, I don’t see myself teaching for another 20 or 30 years. Teaching is a path towards my far-reaching dream of opening an animal shelter. Content creation and writing are my genuine passions, but they produce little to no income. If I could, I would focus on the latter—write and publish my novel and stream in the evenings to wind down from all the writing. That’s the dream, but life doesn’t afford that, not yet at least.
Which brings us back around to the animal shelter. In my heart, this the one thing I want more than anything. It’s not only my dream, but my goal. Everything I do—teaching, writing, content creation—leads to this dream.
I love animals more than I like people. How animals treated has always driven me insane. On my drive to work, I take the back roads to avoid the highway. Often on the drive, there are dogs, cat, sometimes chicken, and one time a horse, wandering along the road. I stop when I can, especially if they appear injured. A week ago, an elder dog was sitting in the road. I called the animal shelter and waited for them to show up. The road that I take is a normal ‘dumping’ spot, according to the animal rescuer that showed up.
Things like that… I hate it. How can people just abandon their companion like that? It pisses me off people can be that cruel. I want to provide a space for the abandoned and neglected. I want to provide a shelter for the abused and injured to heal. There is a mountain I see, and I’m making my way towards that.
I just find myself distracted by doubt and the question of what I want to do. It shouldn’t be hard. I have the goal and dream but no clear path ahead. How do I forge a path when I’m not sure of the direction I need to go? Will I inch closer to the mountain? Or will I find myself alongside it but never towards it?
Jesús M. Rivera 